When I grew up in Austria, I was the most brilliant child likewise my family.
My mother was so proud that I finally agreed to become a woman. Surprising my confidence and all empty words took over, and I lost my childhood. When I was ten in 1765 I got married ready, and my beloved father sent me to a girl school in Hamburg. The plan were to live there until they had found me a husband who could serve me and help our family social status and finical problems.
I remember standing outside the backdoor and overhearing a conversation our housemaid had with my mother. She told my maid to pack my dresses and et me out of time. Tears were running downs my chin and ran outside in the garden, by the fountain. I did not know why, but I was afraid. Afraid of letting go of my perfect life, at Hofburg palace in Vienna. Fast I knew that my family had money problems and were the gold in this case. Later on that night, my father said that all that gossip is not true. He told me that he believed in god and not in the devil, so I was going to live with the court at the palace although my family was ruined by the Sound Dues in Denmark. My desperate dad had sent his army out so get furniture, sugar, silk and the most valuable at that time; Lemons. He thought that his world brought a lot of gold coins home, but he was wrong.
When his ship sailed by Kronborg, the soldiers of the Sound Dues fired cannonballs against the ship. At that time Vienna and Denmark were enemies and the psychopathic king, Christian VI of Denmark. He took that as a good thing and took all the goods they brought. Vienna had a dark period, and there were doubts in the court. My education was poor, but I learned to love the country life and my biggest passion; Fashion. Shoes from venice, silk from India and hats from Scotland. I was very lucky to get new dresses, food and just some education. While all the other children go, Vienna did not get this precious choice.
To be or not to be.. alone. One of my favorite books was and still is Hamlet by W. Shakespeare. The story about prince Hamlet, who get betrayed by all his nearest people and gets blamed for something he did not do. I can relate to the story and now, while I am sitting on my stool by my so called desk and writing this I am starting to realize that my life have been one traumatic Shakespeare play. My people, family and friends did a social suicide against me and turned their back on me. Likewise in hamlet I had my own Horatio, my future husbands sister, Madame Élisabeth. She became my most loyal and best friend at stood by me until the very end. I already know how this is going to end. Likewise Hamlet, the revolution are taken over, and it all ends in a carnage, led by my people of France.
Earlier this day, I overheard a conversation in my prison cell. They said that soon I would be killed. I am very afraid, but someone has to clean up the dirty business. There is something rotten in this country, but no matter how angry my people get they will always have a special place in my heart, I do not want to leave this life. Like Hamlet, as he says:
"You cannot, sir, take from me anything that I will more willingly part withal: except my life, except my life, except my life."Prince Hamlet
To be continued...
